My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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