there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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