You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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