Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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