Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
someone owes me an orgasm
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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