I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
