HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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