so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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