Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
