Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My pussy is not your playground.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
