Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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