Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
