At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
