I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
