On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
