Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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