Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
