why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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