My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
