yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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