I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
