yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
