Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
