FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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