Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
