Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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