I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
