Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
