This is not my ceiling
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is wine microwaveable?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
