i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
