so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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