I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
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He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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