i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
