Screwed.edu
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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