Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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