I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
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Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
50% drunk capacity currently
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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