you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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