If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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