this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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