if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
