Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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