and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
