i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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