Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
