Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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