i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
