just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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