Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
