im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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