I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
