Non-Jews are for practice
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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