You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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