I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
