I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
