question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
