My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
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Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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