I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
