How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
