No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
