Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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