We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
