i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
