did you get engaged???
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize