pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
