i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
