i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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