dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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