How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
