Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
