new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
