I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
