She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
