Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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